Je suis…je ne sais pas…

There seems to be a lot of things going on in your life right now.

Go somewhere far from everyone a place where no one will hear you and scream as loud as you can…

Let the spit fly out your mouth and the tears dart out of your eyes – dont keep anything in.
and if youre wondering why it happened dont hold your breath for an answer.
Today you will be renewed, today you’ll be someone you long to be.
Today, tonight, everyday, you’ll be you.
simple and plain little you.
be happy there are some who don’t
even know who they are anymore.

oh the horrors the children have got themselves into today, oh the secrets their mothers could tell. too bad, too bad they’re all going to …

hello good friends whats got you down?

a frog ? a balloon? a sadistic clown?

todays the day where it all washes away

but don’t forget trouble you’ve caused when

it all goes down , written as laws.

 

paddle down the river now, it’s ok you dont know how

run faster, to catch up to her

 

ill sitt now wanting the bus to come

ill sit here waiting for you to come

ill sit here now, i sit here now…

loving the day

ego.

It’s sickly. those dreams I have. They won’t stop.

I’ve come back to what I really am and I can’t help it.

I seem to be damned. They were so horrible- those memories.

This little song ..the ever repeating song in those memories..

stop..just stop it. I can’t take the scenes and the dialogue…

What may come is only a piece of what might happen.

It’s starting again those thoughts.

I leave notes for you in the carrels I sleep on. I write instead of dream.

Are you clever enough to find me?

I’m only looking for the sun to shine.

It’s difficult to place your thoughts and ideas.

They float around, building up and yet their is

no possible way to act on them.

If I could tear my heart
And keep it miles apart
From love of beast or man
And never give a damn
If I could learn to lie
And never show my pride
I’d be just like the rest
Be someone I detest…

I have some many plans.

All I need is a co-pilot.

I think I’m a fool, maybe when I leave  maybe I’ll find one in a city where no one knows my name.

I miss you quite terrible.

For the last 2 years I have not dressed to define myself. I became sloppy. I’m going to change now. It’s my turn to take charge. I think I’ll grow up now.

Like how I've forgotten what I was like before I met you
If I can forget my memories of when you were around
How many will be all right?

Happiness has a tiny sorrow to it.

Wounds that can't heal and words we can't say even after a century
Having made those promises alone into our guideposts.

Happiness is a modest thing.

Well done.
									

I would pretend to fall asleep on the phone..

I wanted to hear what you would tell me in my sleep.

“Are you there? ..Of course you are , you’re just sleeping….Good night evee…”

“I’m going to hang up now, …Have good dreams evee…”

You would sing to me, while I slept.

You’re were so reckless with that phone, The bill came out so high that month.

We stared at the same moon complaining about how lame our families were being to us…

The sound of us brushing our teeth at the same time was hysterical….

It’s deja’vu all over again isn’t it.

The same people are making fun of us while we’re on the phone.

The same sound of water running out of the sink.

The same atmosphere as before, so cozy..that’s it isn’t it…

I thought I almost lost you there.

I had to take action, I couldn’t let you slip away twice.

Who knew you’d be holding you arms out and open when I came…

But you did, and I back…

Let’s go the park at night like we used too.

Baby, That’s all I got…

I keep editing, modifying, cropping…

It won’t change, It won’t change the past…

But I keep trying and trying….

I’m losing my mind, my sanity… Tomorrow or tomorrow or the day after that might be the day you say “Yeah, me too.” or “will you…”

Remember like that day you rode past me and braked as hard as you could.

You stumbled on your words and offered to carry my books, even though you were holding your bike.

We were the same,

People couldn’t tell us apart,

But that was the funny thing,

Wasn’t it…

Has it been stolen yet?

I can hear it breaking slower … I haven’t been like this since it first started.

I wonder are you playing around? Pay back for my transgressions? no..you would never.

You’re so good, You’re untainted.

You’re so dirty and spotted.

But you haven’t been ruined…

Is it possible that you really exist?